I hear you and understand your conflicting thoughts and emotions. Part of what may be happening is simply being overwhelmed by volume and forgetting to reciprocate. I just logged into gmail (where I get all my notifications about stories) and there are 360+ notifications after just a few days. Then too there's the stuff that comes my way because of Doctor Funny, the stuff I read just cuz. and stuff that I spontaneously find and read. So ... LOTS of stuff :-) I always resolve to do better and fail daily. Still trying ... and flailing.