What will happen next — If you’ve missed the big news. Trump says he expects to be arrested Tuesday | CNN Politics Former President Donald Trump said Saturday he expects to be arrested in connection with the investigation by the…edition.cnn.com Here’s what will happen now. Moves the Tangerine Turd will be making in preparation for, or during, his arrest and incarceration. Extra bronzer If you’re going to be a prison bitch you might as well be the greatest prison bitch ever.

Quintuply vaxxed, and happy about it — Who gave this shit to me? Totally unreasonable, I know, but if I’m being honest, the thought did pop into my head and danced around up there for a while. I sure hope I don’t give it to anyone else. My girlfriend, Qin M, and I are merrily sharing exactly the same symptoms and on exactly the same schedule. I’ll do my best otherwise. We’re mini-quarantining…

Help a brother out … with a Medium name change — Like little ol’ “Cocktail Frankie” driving his extra-long bright red Corvette, I’ve been accused of overcompensating with my extra-long, puke green Medium moniker, Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier). It’s time for a change, and I need your help. Besides I’d like to obscure the fact that I’m overcompensating. I’ll throw…

It’s about to get sudsy up in here — Just when I thought there’d be nothing fun to write about today, comes this gem … Federal investigators examined Trump Media for possible money laundering, sources say Federal prosecutors in New York involved in the criminal investigation into Donald Trump's social media company last…www.theguardian.com This news has been under wraps since 2022. Since the Tangerine Turd is so adept at cleaning up — and/or hiding — dirty little unmentionables, perhaps we should turn over some other filth to…

Now I’m judge, jury, and executioner — In the bad olde days, prior to my epiphany, when debtor prisons were all the rage and men ruled the world, I clapped 50 times for every story I read. And BTW, if I read your story and didn’t clap 50 times it must really have sucked ass. I reasoned…

I blame him — It’s amazing how a single article can jar one’s thinking loose. I wouldn’t advise reading this … 10 Judo Tips For Struggling Writers The premium Medium editionmedium.com … but in it, Carlo Zeno first applauds readers for “… swallowing [his] ten bitter truths [for struggling writers], then challenges writers with, “What are your judo tips for [struggling] writers?” Carlo’s story…

March 15, 2023 — This newsletter is all nips and tucks. Easy to digest bits and boobs, oops … bits and bobs (but not Bob’s boobs). Little things. Love notes on post-its, not steroids. Mole excisions, not major surgery. Circumcision-sized information bites, and the tips are yours to keep. Hello Doctor Funny lovers, writers…

And why — Xi Jinping We love that your first name is “11” and that you hate Americans. Looking forward to: your satiric submissions, your ribald sense of humor, and going to war with you soon. MTG When you speak, the “funny” just writes itself. We can only imagine what will happen when you actually try…

Be careful what you wish for — Getting boosted! It’s what we all crave. Or do we? In case you’ve had your Medium-head submerged in the mud, here are the boost-ilicious morsels for your snacking pleasure. A new Boost for top stories Suggested by our community, confirmed by humans, delivered by robotsblog.medium.com Back so soon? Now, the reasons a boost befalling you would be Hell on Earth. 1️⃣ A lifetime of disappointment