Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier)

Published in Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs

·1 day ago

My Urine is Purer Than Your Phlegm

So the Next Time You Cough on My Waffles, I’ll Pee in Your Coffee — In Med School, I learned that normal urine was a sterile fluid. Maybe I’m remembering the lesson poorly or incorrectly, but that is what I recall. Infected urine is another matter entirely. And, as it turns out, the info I was given so long ago was wrong. But still, clean…

Humor

3 min read

My Urine is Purer Than Your Phlegm … So the Next Time You Cough on My Waffles I’ll Pee in Your…

Published in ILLUMINATION-Curated

·2 days ago

The Strangest Emergency Department Case of “Holiday Heart” Ever Seen

Memorable “Meet and Greet” This happened 30 years ago, but I remember him still. 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 🥳 He was a little messed up, this 20-year-old skinny kid who was suddenly my Emergency Department…

Emergency

3 min read

Published in Doctor Funny

·Sep 24

Filthy-Sounding Phrases and Words That Aren’t

Or maybe they are — “Enjoy that bonanza” Courtesy of BichoDoMato, whose comment triggered a thought and in turn, spawned this story. And really, who doesn’t enjoy a bonanza? Philatelist I guess a college graduate stamp collector who donates lots of money and has affairs could also be a philandering philanthropic philatelist who attended Philander Smith College. Maybe he…

Humor

2 min read

Filthy-Sounding Phrases and Words That Aren’t

Published in Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs

·Sep 24

I Make Almost $80/Hour Writing on Medium

TW: Clickbait — The golden shower of earnings that is Medium just keeps flowing down into my cupped hands. And unlike those crypto-maniacs, self-help gurus, and spewers of writing courses and other drivel, I write whatever TF I want to and still get bathed in an endless supply of pure gold. Drink it…

Bullshit

2 min read

I Make Almost $80/Hour Writing on Medium

Published in Doctor Funny

·Sep 24

Can You Really Hurt Yourself in Your Sleep or Are Old People Just a Bunch of Sniveling Whiners?

Truth — The photo above appears innocuous, but all is not as it first appears. Examine the photo carefully. What do you see? calm elderly gentlemen in the foreground one on the left, wearing a blue cap, is readying for a move using his right hand fellow on the right is concentrating…

Bullshit

3 min read

Can You Really Hurt Yourself in Your Sleep or Are Old People Just a Bunch of Sniveling Whiners?

Published in Doctor Funny

·Sep 23

David “The Human Highlighter” Perlmutter Gave Me a Great Story Idea

David Perlmutter, David Perlmutter, David Perlmutter, David Perlmutter, David Perlmutter, David P, David Perlmutter— I’m an equal-opportunity tag bomber It’s really this guy who did it.

Bullshit

2 min read

David “The Human Highlighter” Perlmutter Gave Me a Great Story Idea

Published in The Haven

·Sep 23

Trying for the Trifecta — Top Writer in the “Bullshit,” “Crap,” AND “Nonsense” Tags

Winner don’t quit and quitters don’t win — Very soon I’ll have nothing to live for.

Bullshit

3 min read

Published in Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs

·Sep 22

When Turducken Meets Your Mortal Remains

It won’t be pretty — Turducken is so hideous that Unsplash has no images for the search term. Typing in “Trump” yields 522 results. So clearly, Unsplash is unafraid of nasty images. And speaking of turd-related subjects … there I was, happily learning about turducken just the other day. As I often do, I was…

Bullshit

2 min read

When Turducken Meets Your Mortal Remains

Published in The Haven

·Sep 21

When Your “Distribution” Disappears, Have You Been Undistributed, Maldistributed or Something Else Entirely?

Chosen for further distribution gone awry and just gone — We all know that having a story “chosen for further distribution” is the kiss of death. But, for some bizarre reason, the designation still brings a tingle. No one aside from Medium’s Algorithm Method knows the distribution details, but many have guessed at various aspects of it. Some distribution theories: …

Chosen For Distribution

3 min read

When Your “Distribution” Disappears, Have You Been Undistributed, Maldistributed or Something Else…

Published in Doctor Funny

·Sep 21

I’m a Top Writer in Bullshit

The secrets of my success — I’m also a top writer in two other tags. Both will remain nameless, but one rhymes with “tumor” and the other rhymes with “spare tire.” But, let’s talk about Bullshit. You’ll quickly see that I’m a big bullshit fish in the small bullshit pond. There are just 1.1k bullshit-tagged stories…

Bullshit

3 min read